Too Much . Too Soon~

When i was seventeen years old i went to Anime Expo, at the time it was awesome because hey, it was still in Anaheim and i could go for TWO WHOLE DAYS, amazing right? XD
Anyway, i got left behind by my ex boyfriend and co so they could do what they wanted and i was just wandering around, i had taken down some people's numbers that i didn't know from the anime expo forums so i would be able to hang out with someone if situations like this occurred. I called all of them, one answered. His name is Carey, i suppose it took me a while indeed but now that i think about it he liked me from the start. I had so many opportunities to go out with him, so many but i was so unused to relationships by then that i didn't know how special he was.

We've been best friends for the longest time now and i still like him in a weird way, i don't know, I've never really known how to describe it. But it got in the way of me and i accidentally "dropped" him. Now when you drop something it's no guarantee that someone wont come along and pick it up...which is what happened. I realized my stupidity and ran back to find that he had been picked up by a girl who would be able to meet all he asked and even live with him. He's always had this thing for wanting to marry early and start a family young and all that, he's turning twenty three soon...but here i am, claws and teeth bared to this chick who swiped him from under my nose. I know i shouldn't be so venomous but it's hard when i take a look at the big picture and realize that everyone else is going on with their lives and doing things whilst i am still barely getting along. He told me, through a regretting tone, for he knew that i wouldn't like it, that he's getting engaged...course he wants me to be there. I told him I'd be in the back.

My response, yeah, I'm a girl and I'm allowed to feel jealousy and whatever, I'm bitter because i can't find any happiness for myself and yet all my friends have no trouble whatsoever, i guess i really am strange. I have THE WORST LUCK EVAR.
In case you haven't heard.

Ode to Carey who i loved until this moment, i guess i have to let go of my choke hold now, there's nothing for me and lots for you.
Ah well, happiness to all, it doesn't work for me but may it work for you and boys, if you're in a situation like this, and if it isn't obvious already~ there is a girl somewhere who is like me, pining for love they'll never feel because it's hopeless.

*salutes* carry on~